im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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