the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize