and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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