I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
