My liver just broke up with me...
i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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