we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
