if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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