I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
