So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
They just kept handing me shots and saying welcome to college
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
