Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
