i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
this boner is exhausting
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
