He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize