you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
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