I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
So apparently I’m into choking now
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
