So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
