does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
Also, ran into my neighbor across the street. He told me about scheduling his vasectomy. We are officially way beyond the acceptable point for asking his name again.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
