I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I got an 8 ball and a free entrance pass to the strip club, if i dont get laid tonight I never will.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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