He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
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