Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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