i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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