Screwed.edu
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
so, not only did she give him head while i was asleep next to them, apparently, it was bad head...
Are you serious?
yeah... as often as she does that, you'd think she'd be good at it...
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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