I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
