If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
At least life still wants to fuck me.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
