I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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