why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
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