i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
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