Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
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