I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
