Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Nah. And this is true. It's like you were trained by sexual Jedi or something.
*jedi wave* this is the penis you were looking for
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
