it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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