i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Randomize
