does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
did i just pee glitter
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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