all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
