i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
you will always have a special place in my vag
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
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