I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
