everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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