I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
