good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Great news! In less than 2 hours, I'm ripping your underwear off with my teeth!
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
Randomize
