At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
