I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
