I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
