so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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