I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
