i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
no more duck duck goose at the bar
The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
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