12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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