I'm lost and stupid without you.
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
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