Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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