Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
And then I discovered that while drunk last night I called the NAACP and left an angry voicemail demanding they fix the racism at my school
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
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