I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
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