we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You text him a porn site address and said GOODBYE ... I think he got the hint
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
