batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
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