There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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