You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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