a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
50% drunk capacity currently
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
Randomize
