Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
