If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
