I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
Randomize
