Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
This is not my ceiling
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
