You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
