Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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