I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
