I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I want to fling myself into the sun
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
