Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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