my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
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Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
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I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
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