i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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