My liver just broke up with me...
she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
