just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
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well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
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Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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